i love all my friends. i really do, but right now i want to get away to a new city and meet entirely new people.
why, do you ask?
you're all irritating the hell out of me with:
1. several of you w/your inability to be wrong
2. your drama filled lives
3. how you don't have the time to chill anymore
i will now address arguments i know that would be made:
1. i know i do this, i am working on it
2. i can be dramatic, i know but at least after i vent i stop talking about it
3. i have so much free time, it just doesn't seem to coinside with yours
so basically all i can think is "fuck me, its time to leave."
maybe absence makes the heart grow fonder? i suppose i shall just put this to the test.
12.08.2009
12.07.2009
snow
walking outside at night during snowfall.
sounds are muffled,
that peculiar sound of compacting snow,
a cross between a squeek and a moan.
streetlights reflecting a warm sulfurous glow.
the glitter of the individual flakes.
it's beautiful, untouched.
it makes the grey/brown winter world wonderous to behold.
the transient nature of snow,
especially here in the high desert,
reminds you how quickly things can change.
i've always been a snow baby. born in mn, there is nothing i love better then a heavy snowfall. especially since i live in an area where snow is scarce. i can get to snow if i drive a bit, but it's not often right outside my door.
snow makes the dull, dreary, brown winter world into a thing of beauty. a field of untouched snow is one of my favorite things. there is such promise there. a literal blank slate. you are reminded of the dormant state of the world hidden under it's blanket of white. how when springtime comes, and the snow melts, green shoots will peak through the melting snow and the world will once again come to life. this season of slumber is my second favorite, only behind autumn with its colors. it's winter with it's lack of color (or all colors depending how you think of white) that holds such promise.
may your world be white!
let it snow! let it snow! let it snow!
sounds are muffled,
that peculiar sound of compacting snow,
a cross between a squeek and a moan.
streetlights reflecting a warm sulfurous glow.
the glitter of the individual flakes.
it's beautiful, untouched.
it makes the grey/brown winter world wonderous to behold.
the transient nature of snow,
especially here in the high desert,
reminds you how quickly things can change.
i've always been a snow baby. born in mn, there is nothing i love better then a heavy snowfall. especially since i live in an area where snow is scarce. i can get to snow if i drive a bit, but it's not often right outside my door.
snow makes the dull, dreary, brown winter world into a thing of beauty. a field of untouched snow is one of my favorite things. there is such promise there. a literal blank slate. you are reminded of the dormant state of the world hidden under it's blanket of white. how when springtime comes, and the snow melts, green shoots will peak through the melting snow and the world will once again come to life. this season of slumber is my second favorite, only behind autumn with its colors. it's winter with it's lack of color (or all colors depending how you think of white) that holds such promise.
may your world be white!
let it snow! let it snow! let it snow!
12.04.2009
mistakes
i seem to be making a lot of mistakes in relationships lately. not romantic relationships, my friendships and work ones. there is nothing worse then realizing you just made a HUGE mistake and there is no way for you to take it back or any real way to make up for it.
take yesterday for example. my good friend Red Robin Hood* had made dinner plans with me the night before and we were deciding where to get foods after i got home from work. a few hours before said plans she direct messages me via twitter to tell me that we can't do dinner at said time because her mom wanted her to do something with her. this is not the first time this has happened...more like the 6th in as many moths. it really gets under my skin because it always happens after she asks me to do something. now i have had to put off plans with my family and other friends because she and i had previously made plans. you do not blow of plans made previously with someone. lamest thing EVER.
how many times can i use previously? lol
so i tell her: you do realize you are doing something you hate that our other mutual "friend" (i'm not friends with this person anymore) does to her.
which does not go over well at all. there are tears and all sorts of depressed tweets. this sort of thing makes me want to stop following my actual friends on twitter. (people i don't know tend to be so much more entertaining)
and work today, gosh. i did something insanely stupid. i dressed down two of our security people be for being unprofessional and hanging around where they shouldn't have. yeah, they're both at least 4 years older then me (one's in his 40's or i'm still in middle school). no ones takes a 24 year old young woman, who looks younger then she is, seriously. basically i pissed them off because i was right. i was very firm and forceful, no one at my job has seen me be anything but nice and pleasant. it's shocking apparently. the younger of the two told me he didn't appreciate how i spoke to him and that I was the unprofessional one. i did do it in front of someone from a different department (i didn't realize he was still there).
so my last two days have been rather shitty. whoo.
i have learned a few valuable lessons. i need to keep my temper better at work (this is the first time it has happened in 9 years, so i'd so i was doing pretty good). and sometimes telling friends things does not go over well.
here's hoping that tomorrow is better. thank god for tabula rasa.
tomorrow is a blank slate, my day is yet to be written.
*pseudonym for privacy (it's an old inside joke actually)
take yesterday for example. my good friend Red Robin Hood* had made dinner plans with me the night before and we were deciding where to get foods after i got home from work. a few hours before said plans she direct messages me via twitter to tell me that we can't do dinner at said time because her mom wanted her to do something with her. this is not the first time this has happened...more like the 6th in as many moths. it really gets under my skin because it always happens after she asks me to do something. now i have had to put off plans with my family and other friends because she and i had previously made plans. you do not blow of plans made previously with someone. lamest thing EVER.
how many times can i use previously? lol
so i tell her: you do realize you are doing something you hate that our other mutual "friend" (i'm not friends with this person anymore) does to her.
which does not go over well at all. there are tears and all sorts of depressed tweets. this sort of thing makes me want to stop following my actual friends on twitter. (people i don't know tend to be so much more entertaining)
and work today, gosh. i did something insanely stupid. i dressed down two of our security people be for being unprofessional and hanging around where they shouldn't have. yeah, they're both at least 4 years older then me (one's in his 40's or i'm still in middle school). no ones takes a 24 year old young woman, who looks younger then she is, seriously. basically i pissed them off because i was right. i was very firm and forceful, no one at my job has seen me be anything but nice and pleasant. it's shocking apparently. the younger of the two told me he didn't appreciate how i spoke to him and that I was the unprofessional one. i did do it in front of someone from a different department (i didn't realize he was still there).
so my last two days have been rather shitty. whoo.
i have learned a few valuable lessons. i need to keep my temper better at work (this is the first time it has happened in 9 years, so i'd so i was doing pretty good). and sometimes telling friends things does not go over well.
here's hoping that tomorrow is better. thank god for tabula rasa.
tomorrow is a blank slate, my day is yet to be written.
*pseudonym for privacy (it's an old inside joke actually)
11.29.2009
nerves
it's just now hitting me that i am performing in a concert on tuesday, this tuesday. as in it's only 2 days away!!
it's been about two years since i performed in public and to be honest this makes me sad. i miss singing for an audience. this concert i'll be singing "santa baby." i know i'll never live up to eartha kitt's version of the song, she is the original every other person is compared to. i can only hope i am not found lacking.
i found an amazing dress to wear for the performance. it's black and gold with a halter neckline (one of the few styles that is perfect for me). the top is gold layered under black lace with beadwork and a few sequins, it plunges quite a bit so it's a little daring. this dress is alluring and sexy. i'll be able to wear it forever.....well as long as i stay in the shape i'm in! haha.
there's nothing like looking like a million bucks to help your confidence sky rocket. this performance should be a blast! apparently i am one of the only performers singing a fun song. this is rather like the concert where i sang "adelaid's lament" from guys and dolls.
what convinces people to sing songs that are dramatic (as in sad/angry) all the time is beyond me. i do know many of the classic pieces from the famous operas are this way, but really. you need to gain a following people. you need to entertain them first before you pull out the dramatic show pieces. unless you have the acting talent to go along with the singing voice you will bore people to tears.
good times, good times.
did i mention i am just a lil bit nervous?
it's been about two years since i performed in public and to be honest this makes me sad. i miss singing for an audience. this concert i'll be singing "santa baby." i know i'll never live up to eartha kitt's version of the song, she is the original every other person is compared to. i can only hope i am not found lacking.
i found an amazing dress to wear for the performance. it's black and gold with a halter neckline (one of the few styles that is perfect for me). the top is gold layered under black lace with beadwork and a few sequins, it plunges quite a bit so it's a little daring. this dress is alluring and sexy. i'll be able to wear it forever.....well as long as i stay in the shape i'm in! haha.
there's nothing like looking like a million bucks to help your confidence sky rocket. this performance should be a blast! apparently i am one of the only performers singing a fun song. this is rather like the concert where i sang "adelaid's lament" from guys and dolls.
what convinces people to sing songs that are dramatic (as in sad/angry) all the time is beyond me. i do know many of the classic pieces from the famous operas are this way, but really. you need to gain a following people. you need to entertain them first before you pull out the dramatic show pieces. unless you have the acting talent to go along with the singing voice you will bore people to tears.
good times, good times.
did i mention i am just a lil bit nervous?
projects
i've been toying with some ideas floating around in my head. i want to create logo for something called "monday's child." right now it's nothing but a name that speaks to me. there are a few t-shirt ideas that if they come to fruition are going to bear that name so i want a logo for it. these of course will be one of a kind items, it will be fun if people think they aren't though. so i'd love for them to be as professional as possible.
i'm going to use lyrics from some of my favorite bands. i have no doubt that they won't mind. though i should prolly check to make sure.
note to self: twitter bands and see if they are okay with my using it on my tee.
should be okay with it as long as i don't mass produce. what i have in mind is too much of a pain in the ass to do so! haha.
this will be my project tomorrow.
11.17.2009
a dream
the other night i realized one of my dreams. i will live in jackson hole, wy at some point in the future. it is one of the most beautiful places i have ever been in my life. it as minutes away from the grand teton national park. the national forrest you drive through to get there took my breath away.
there is no way i will be able to afford to live there in the near future, so this is a dream for when i am more established and can earn a much higher salary. though i could most likely get a job there right now since i know a few people. but whether or not it would be a living wage for there would be the question.
the fact that i realized i have this dream made me so happy. i thought i had put them all someplace hidden or forgotten. here's to hoping i realize more of my dreams so i have something to move forward too.
dreams, where would we be without them? living dull, colorless lives with no purpose.
life is....
there is no way i will be able to afford to live there in the near future, so this is a dream for when i am more established and can earn a much higher salary. though i could most likely get a job there right now since i know a few people. but whether or not it would be a living wage for there would be the question.
the fact that i realized i have this dream made me so happy. i thought i had put them all someplace hidden or forgotten. here's to hoping i realize more of my dreams so i have something to move forward too.
dreams, where would we be without them? living dull, colorless lives with no purpose.
life is....
11.15.2009
i miss...
so there really are no good synonomous phrases for "i miss you" in a platonic sense. all the words i can find are along the lines of covet, desire, crave, brood, carry a torch, mourn, sigh.
yeah, i'm going to tell a good female friend "i covet you." she would laugh her ass off and it still wouldn't accurately portray what i am feeling.
why is it the english language does not have any good phrases or cliches that say "i haven't seen you in ages and i miss you" without you saying the tired phrase of "i miss you."
this should change.
also realized today that i seem to have a threshold for how long i jarringly miss someone. this seems to be around 3 weeks. i miss them a ton for that length of time and then it starts to fade. i miss them off and on for ever after that, but that yearn to spend time with them isn't constant or even what it was when they were around. i wonder if everyone does that or if it's just me.
and my job gives my mind free reign to think of random crap like this.
i'm spending entirely too much time with myself. can i spend some time with you?
yeah, i'm going to tell a good female friend "i covet you." she would laugh her ass off and it still wouldn't accurately portray what i am feeling.
why is it the english language does not have any good phrases or cliches that say "i haven't seen you in ages and i miss you" without you saying the tired phrase of "i miss you."
this should change.
also realized today that i seem to have a threshold for how long i jarringly miss someone. this seems to be around 3 weeks. i miss them a ton for that length of time and then it starts to fade. i miss them off and on for ever after that, but that yearn to spend time with them isn't constant or even what it was when they were around. i wonder if everyone does that or if it's just me.
and my job gives my mind free reign to think of random crap like this.
i'm spending entirely too much time with myself. can i spend some time with you?
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