question 1

1st song in my head: "inside of you" by the maine

how do you really feel about what you are doing right now at this exact moment?

i feel hopeful. i would like this exercise to help me discover what it is that i want to do with my life. a chapter ended for me last week with my being laid off. it was the kick in the butt i need to make a much needed change in my life. the actual changes that are to be made, will be figured out later. hopefully after i have these 50 questions answered. 

so.

with hope, i'm documenting my answers.

listened to : Thieves and Villains "Movement"

dry throats unite

atlantic lungs

everyone believes

movement

new endeavor

well now. i've been absent a loooooong time. quite a few things have changed and other things are still the same.  


the biggest change would have to be:* dun dun DUUNNNN*           i am unemployed.


yeah, i've known for the last 2 months it was going to happen, but i was hoping that my phenomenal luck was going kick in and the perfect job would just materialize. and ya know what? that didn't happen this time.


so, i'm taking this time to reflect on what it is i actually want to do with my life. as i was laid off, i've applied for unemployment and for my student loans to be deferred. i feel like a bum and a bit like a failure. lookin' for jobs though, i have a certain amount i have to earn. so, here's hoping!


but, back to a more interesting subject. i've come up with something to keep me occupied. i have a stumbleupon now. for those of you who don't know. it's tis amazing time waster, sign up for an account, choose up to 127 interests and hit the stumble button and it brings up internet pages that should interest you. it's awesome!


so i stumbled on this website: http://www.tiadpeterson.com/live-what-you-love-50-questions-to-ask-yourself/


quite obvious what it is. 50 questions that are supposed to help you figure out what it is you want to do. perfect for me. 


so, every day i will answer one question and post it here. so if you feel like reading something daily. well, you'll get it! i'll also include some random things, like if i wake up with a song in my head or a specific one in my head all day or what i was listening to while i answered the question.


there will be other posts as well such as my adventures in cooking, the activities i'm doing to fill my time (especially if they are new to me)

limits

i am tired of being surrounded by people who limit themselves. it varies anywhere from limiting calories to limiting how late you can stay out. my friends and co-workers are who are driving me nuts the most. life is only as abundant as you see it. if you set boundries to close to yourself you're going to get left behind, passed by or completely miss out on many new experiences or people.


without being open to the options that are available to you, you will just not be offered or ignore so many oppurtunities.


this rant is rather hypocritical of me as i limit myself as well. i know i do this, i am, however, working to see where my set limiting factors and work on moving them to a point where i have more options then the ones i have previously set myself up for.


Life is limitless, why don't we live it as such?

untrodden

at times i wonder what life would be like if i did more things that i haven't done. the first day of march i went snowboarding for the first time! it was amazing! sure i fell on my butt more times then i'd care to count or remember, but i had soooo much fun doing it.


new experiences are what we were made for. to get out, make fools of ourselves and learn something. my first snowboard experience taught me that i am much more athletic then i ever gave myself credit for. it really was fun. also that i am actually "goofy-footed" which means my left is dominant. i'dve never guessed!


as i'm stuck in this town for awhile longer, i may as well make the best of it and do all the different activities i am invited to do. i should go try rolling in a kayak, much safer in a pool then to try and learn while i'm on a river. or biking. maybe i should get a bike and stop beign so damn afraid of crashing. or maybe i should take all those boys up on their offers to do something? new experiences, new people, new places. 


I WANT THEM.


hear that universe?        i'm asking for it.            lay it on me. 


bring me something new and unexpected. i'm ready and watiting.

the tees

i mentioned awhile ago i was making tee shirts. well. the two that are completed are my audrey tee and the cavashawn one.


the process i went through was to create these tees is a simple one. i created stencils out of images i found on the internet. as i am not planning on selling these items i figured it would be okay for my personal use. to create the stencils i just printed them on normal printer paper, covered the image with a layer of clear packing tape, then cutting out the desired areas with a xacto knife. cutting out the images was the  biggest pain in the butt! my finger got sore from all the stencils i created.


then i used acrylic paints mixed with a textile medium (follow the directions on the textile medium carefully! very important if you want your design to be permanent).


my personal final products are below.

audrey - was not a planned tee at all. i was searching for stencils in google images and i happened upon this great one of audrey hepburn. i then looked up some audrey quotes and found the perfect one. i chose this great peacock blue tee for it. it's one of my favorites now.


the quote on the back in the font "banana" is:
i never saw myself as an icon.


it's right between the shoulder blades.

chandelier inn - this one was planned, and it was a pain in the butt! i loved the lyrics


"love don't you leave me at the chandelier inn i'll be kissing every misses with my white picket grin"


so the idea was to have "chandelier inn" and a chandelier on it. it was the damn chandelier that was the problem! it took days to find, but i am very happy with the end result.


the words were done in the font 1534 fraktur. i did the lettering in a charcoal color, it wasn't quite readable so i outlined it in black. it gave it a little something extra i think.

wearable but not finished
mustache - this was not a planned tee but came about during my realization that cartoon mustaches are amazing. my favorite 'stache? the cartoon handlebar! which is know proudly emblazoned on my chest for all to see in a great warm dark brown on dandelion.


this shirt is not quite finished, it is lacking the saying. i can't seem to decide between free mustache rides or a man without a mustache is a man without a soul.


my apologies on the poorly taken photo. it was taken while inebriated, but it does get the point across, yes?

disconnected

i've been feeling disconnected lately, in quite a few ways. disconnected from friends, myself, the world. kind of like i feel on flexiril. weird ideas seem to be thrust into my mind from nowhere. some of them could turn out to be really cool, like this kids book idea i came up with or this how too book idea i came up with for female drivers. i should really work on them.


it's really this disconnected feeling between me and my body that is bothering me the most. i've never felt this strange for this long since my car accident. is it my body remembering that this time last year i was really really out of it? which makes no sense since the worst time was in december and i was fine then.


i don't like feeling disconnected, not because i don't know what's going on but because i have no easy way of actually knowing and i know that i used to have that. i'm not sure if this will even make sense later. i suppose it's the knowing that there once was something but there currently is not would be another way to put it. it feels like i'm drifting without a tether. moving on the same general course to nowhere. which only makes me realize that that is how i am feeling in my life. drifting with no set course.


a ship without a captain - the rest of the crews there but there's no one steering
an playerless instrument - i've got everything needed to make the music but no one to play me
a map without a destination - there's courses to anywhere but no one has chosen where to go


what do i want to do?
how do i want people to know me?


i want a career, i don't want a job.
i want something i love to do.


i want to WANT to go to work in the morning.


i know i'm not the only person who feels this way. i hear about it from quite a few other people i know.


then there's the people who know exactly what they want and how to go about getting there.
was this something we learned on a day i missed? was i not paying attention that day?


how do you teach someone to figure out what they want to do with their life?
do some people just know? are there a lot people like me who haven't found yet what they want/love to do?


so many questions with so few answers.

irritation

i love all my friends. i really do, but right now i want to get away to a new city and meet entirely new people.


why, do you ask?


you're all irritating the hell out of me with:


1. several of you w/your inability to be wrong
2. your drama filled lives
3. how you don't have the time to chill anymore


i will now address arguments i know that would be made:
1. i know i do this, i am working on it
2. i can be dramatic, i know but at least after i vent i stop talking about it
3. i have so much free time, it just doesn't seem to coinside with yours


so basically all i can think is "fuck me, its time to leave."


maybe absence makes the heart grow fonder? i suppose i shall just put this to the test.