at times i wonder what life would be like if i did more things that i haven't done. the first day of march i went snowboarding for the first time! it was amazing! sure i fell on my butt more times then i'd care to count or remember, but i had soooo much fun doing it.
new experiences are what we were made for. to get out, make fools of ourselves and learn something. my first snowboard experience taught me that i am much more athletic then i ever gave myself credit for. it really was fun. also that i am actually "goofy-footed" which means my left is dominant. i'dve never guessed!
as i'm stuck in this town for awhile longer, i may as well make the best of it and do all the different activities i am invited to do. i should go try rolling in a kayak, much safer in a pool then to try and learn while i'm on a river. or biking. maybe i should get a bike and stop beign so damn afraid of crashing. or maybe i should take all those boys up on their offers to do something? new experiences, new people, new places.
I WANT THEM.
hear that universe? i'm asking for it. lay it on me.
bring me something new and unexpected. i'm ready and watiting.
3.31.2010
1.25.2010
the tees
i mentioned awhile ago i was making tee shirts. well. the two that are completed are my audrey tee and the cavashawn one.
the process i went through was to create these tees is a simple one. i created stencils out of images i found on the internet. as i am not planning on selling these items i figured it would be okay for my personal use. to create the stencils i just printed them on normal printer paper, covered the image with a layer of clear packing tape, then cutting out the desired areas with a xacto knife. cutting out the images was the biggest pain in the butt! my finger got sore from all the stencils i created.
then i used acrylic paints mixed with a textile medium (follow the directions on the textile medium carefully! very important if you want your design to be permanent).
my personal final products are below.
audrey - was not a planned tee at all. i was searching for stencils in google images and i happened upon this great one of audrey hepburn. i then looked up some audrey quotes and found the perfect one. i chose this great peacock blue tee for it. it's one of my favorites now.
the quote on the back in the font "banana" is:
i never saw myself as an icon.
it's right between the shoulder blades.
chandelier inn - this one was planned, and it was a pain in the butt! i loved the lyrics
"love don't you leave me at the chandelier inn i'll be kissing every misses with my white picket grin"
so the idea was to have "chandelier inn" and a chandelier on it. it was the damn chandelier that was the problem! it took days to find, but i am very happy with the end result.
the words were done in the font 1534 fraktur. i did the lettering in a charcoal color, it wasn't quite readable so i outlined it in black. it gave it a little something extra i think.
the process i went through was to create these tees is a simple one. i created stencils out of images i found on the internet. as i am not planning on selling these items i figured it would be okay for my personal use. to create the stencils i just printed them on normal printer paper, covered the image with a layer of clear packing tape, then cutting out the desired areas with a xacto knife. cutting out the images was the biggest pain in the butt! my finger got sore from all the stencils i created.
then i used acrylic paints mixed with a textile medium (follow the directions on the textile medium carefully! very important if you want your design to be permanent).
my personal final products are below.
audrey - was not a planned tee at all. i was searching for stencils in google images and i happened upon this great one of audrey hepburn. i then looked up some audrey quotes and found the perfect one. i chose this great peacock blue tee for it. it's one of my favorites now.
the quote on the back in the font "banana" is:
i never saw myself as an icon.
it's right between the shoulder blades.
chandelier inn - this one was planned, and it was a pain in the butt! i loved the lyrics
"love don't you leave me at the chandelier inn i'll be kissing every misses with my white picket grin"
so the idea was to have "chandelier inn" and a chandelier on it. it was the damn chandelier that was the problem! it took days to find, but i am very happy with the end result.
the words were done in the font 1534 fraktur. i did the lettering in a charcoal color, it wasn't quite readable so i outlined it in black. it gave it a little something extra i think.
wearable but not finished
mustache - this was not a planned tee but came about during my realization that cartoon mustaches are amazing. my favorite 'stache? the cartoon handlebar! which is know proudly emblazoned on my chest for all to see in a great warm dark brown on dandelion.
this shirt is not quite finished, it is lacking the saying. i can't seem to decide between free mustache rides or a man without a mustache is a man without a soul.
my apologies on the poorly taken photo. it was taken while inebriated, but it does get the point across, yes?
mustache - this was not a planned tee but came about during my realization that cartoon mustaches are amazing. my favorite 'stache? the cartoon handlebar! which is know proudly emblazoned on my chest for all to see in a great warm dark brown on dandelion.
this shirt is not quite finished, it is lacking the saying. i can't seem to decide between free mustache rides or a man without a mustache is a man without a soul.
my apologies on the poorly taken photo. it was taken while inebriated, but it does get the point across, yes?
disconnected
i've been feeling disconnected lately, in quite a few ways. disconnected from friends, myself, the world. kind of like i feel on flexiril. weird ideas seem to be thrust into my mind from nowhere. some of them could turn out to be really cool, like this kids book idea i came up with or this how too book idea i came up with for female drivers. i should really work on them.
it's really this disconnected feeling between me and my body that is bothering me the most. i've never felt this strange for this long since my car accident. is it my body remembering that this time last year i was really really out of it? which makes no sense since the worst time was in december and i was fine then.
i don't like feeling disconnected, not because i don't know what's going on but because i have no easy way of actually knowing and i know that i used to have that. i'm not sure if this will even make sense later. i suppose it's the knowing that there once was something but there currently is not would be another way to put it. it feels like i'm drifting without a tether. moving on the same general course to nowhere. which only makes me realize that that is how i am feeling in my life. drifting with no set course.
a ship without a captain - the rest of the crews there but there's no one steering
an playerless instrument - i've got everything needed to make the music but no one to play me
a map without a destination - there's courses to anywhere but no one has chosen where to go
what do i want to do?
how do i want people to know me?
i want a career, i don't want a job.
i want something i love to do.
i want to WANT to go to work in the morning.
i know i'm not the only person who feels this way. i hear about it from quite a few other people i know.
then there's the people who know exactly what they want and how to go about getting there.
was this something we learned on a day i missed? was i not paying attention that day?
how do you teach someone to figure out what they want to do with their life?
do some people just know? are there a lot people like me who haven't found yet what they want/love to do?
so many questions with so few answers.
it's really this disconnected feeling between me and my body that is bothering me the most. i've never felt this strange for this long since my car accident. is it my body remembering that this time last year i was really really out of it? which makes no sense since the worst time was in december and i was fine then.
i don't like feeling disconnected, not because i don't know what's going on but because i have no easy way of actually knowing and i know that i used to have that. i'm not sure if this will even make sense later. i suppose it's the knowing that there once was something but there currently is not would be another way to put it. it feels like i'm drifting without a tether. moving on the same general course to nowhere. which only makes me realize that that is how i am feeling in my life. drifting with no set course.
a ship without a captain - the rest of the crews there but there's no one steering
an playerless instrument - i've got everything needed to make the music but no one to play me
a map without a destination - there's courses to anywhere but no one has chosen where to go
what do i want to do?
how do i want people to know me?
i want a career, i don't want a job.
i want something i love to do.
i want to WANT to go to work in the morning.
i know i'm not the only person who feels this way. i hear about it from quite a few other people i know.
then there's the people who know exactly what they want and how to go about getting there.
was this something we learned on a day i missed? was i not paying attention that day?
how do you teach someone to figure out what they want to do with their life?
do some people just know? are there a lot people like me who haven't found yet what they want/love to do?
so many questions with so few answers.
12.08.2009
irritation
i love all my friends. i really do, but right now i want to get away to a new city and meet entirely new people.
why, do you ask?
you're all irritating the hell out of me with:
1. several of you w/your inability to be wrong
2. your drama filled lives
3. how you don't have the time to chill anymore
i will now address arguments i know that would be made:
1. i know i do this, i am working on it
2. i can be dramatic, i know but at least after i vent i stop talking about it
3. i have so much free time, it just doesn't seem to coinside with yours
so basically all i can think is "fuck me, its time to leave."
maybe absence makes the heart grow fonder? i suppose i shall just put this to the test.
why, do you ask?
you're all irritating the hell out of me with:
1. several of you w/your inability to be wrong
2. your drama filled lives
3. how you don't have the time to chill anymore
i will now address arguments i know that would be made:
1. i know i do this, i am working on it
2. i can be dramatic, i know but at least after i vent i stop talking about it
3. i have so much free time, it just doesn't seem to coinside with yours
so basically all i can think is "fuck me, its time to leave."
maybe absence makes the heart grow fonder? i suppose i shall just put this to the test.
12.07.2009
snow
walking outside at night during snowfall.
sounds are muffled,
that peculiar sound of compacting snow,
a cross between a squeek and a moan.
streetlights reflecting a warm sulfurous glow.
the glitter of the individual flakes.
it's beautiful, untouched.
it makes the grey/brown winter world wonderous to behold.
the transient nature of snow,
especially here in the high desert,
reminds you how quickly things can change.
i've always been a snow baby. born in mn, there is nothing i love better then a heavy snowfall. especially since i live in an area where snow is scarce. i can get to snow if i drive a bit, but it's not often right outside my door.
snow makes the dull, dreary, brown winter world into a thing of beauty. a field of untouched snow is one of my favorite things. there is such promise there. a literal blank slate. you are reminded of the dormant state of the world hidden under it's blanket of white. how when springtime comes, and the snow melts, green shoots will peak through the melting snow and the world will once again come to life. this season of slumber is my second favorite, only behind autumn with its colors. it's winter with it's lack of color (or all colors depending how you think of white) that holds such promise.
may your world be white!
let it snow! let it snow! let it snow!
sounds are muffled,
that peculiar sound of compacting snow,
a cross between a squeek and a moan.
streetlights reflecting a warm sulfurous glow.
the glitter of the individual flakes.
it's beautiful, untouched.
it makes the grey/brown winter world wonderous to behold.
the transient nature of snow,
especially here in the high desert,
reminds you how quickly things can change.
i've always been a snow baby. born in mn, there is nothing i love better then a heavy snowfall. especially since i live in an area where snow is scarce. i can get to snow if i drive a bit, but it's not often right outside my door.
snow makes the dull, dreary, brown winter world into a thing of beauty. a field of untouched snow is one of my favorite things. there is such promise there. a literal blank slate. you are reminded of the dormant state of the world hidden under it's blanket of white. how when springtime comes, and the snow melts, green shoots will peak through the melting snow and the world will once again come to life. this season of slumber is my second favorite, only behind autumn with its colors. it's winter with it's lack of color (or all colors depending how you think of white) that holds such promise.
may your world be white!
let it snow! let it snow! let it snow!
12.04.2009
mistakes
i seem to be making a lot of mistakes in relationships lately. not romantic relationships, my friendships and work ones. there is nothing worse then realizing you just made a HUGE mistake and there is no way for you to take it back or any real way to make up for it.
take yesterday for example. my good friend Red Robin Hood* had made dinner plans with me the night before and we were deciding where to get foods after i got home from work. a few hours before said plans she direct messages me via twitter to tell me that we can't do dinner at said time because her mom wanted her to do something with her. this is not the first time this has happened...more like the 6th in as many moths. it really gets under my skin because it always happens after she asks me to do something. now i have had to put off plans with my family and other friends because she and i had previously made plans. you do not blow of plans made previously with someone. lamest thing EVER.
how many times can i use previously? lol
so i tell her: you do realize you are doing something you hate that our other mutual "friend" (i'm not friends with this person anymore) does to her.
which does not go over well at all. there are tears and all sorts of depressed tweets. this sort of thing makes me want to stop following my actual friends on twitter. (people i don't know tend to be so much more entertaining)
and work today, gosh. i did something insanely stupid. i dressed down two of our security people be for being unprofessional and hanging around where they shouldn't have. yeah, they're both at least 4 years older then me (one's in his 40's or i'm still in middle school). no ones takes a 24 year old young woman, who looks younger then she is, seriously. basically i pissed them off because i was right. i was very firm and forceful, no one at my job has seen me be anything but nice and pleasant. it's shocking apparently. the younger of the two told me he didn't appreciate how i spoke to him and that I was the unprofessional one. i did do it in front of someone from a different department (i didn't realize he was still there).
so my last two days have been rather shitty. whoo.
i have learned a few valuable lessons. i need to keep my temper better at work (this is the first time it has happened in 9 years, so i'd so i was doing pretty good). and sometimes telling friends things does not go over well.
here's hoping that tomorrow is better. thank god for tabula rasa.
tomorrow is a blank slate, my day is yet to be written.
*pseudonym for privacy (it's an old inside joke actually)
take yesterday for example. my good friend Red Robin Hood* had made dinner plans with me the night before and we were deciding where to get foods after i got home from work. a few hours before said plans she direct messages me via twitter to tell me that we can't do dinner at said time because her mom wanted her to do something with her. this is not the first time this has happened...more like the 6th in as many moths. it really gets under my skin because it always happens after she asks me to do something. now i have had to put off plans with my family and other friends because she and i had previously made plans. you do not blow of plans made previously with someone. lamest thing EVER.
how many times can i use previously? lol
so i tell her: you do realize you are doing something you hate that our other mutual "friend" (i'm not friends with this person anymore) does to her.
which does not go over well at all. there are tears and all sorts of depressed tweets. this sort of thing makes me want to stop following my actual friends on twitter. (people i don't know tend to be so much more entertaining)
and work today, gosh. i did something insanely stupid. i dressed down two of our security people be for being unprofessional and hanging around where they shouldn't have. yeah, they're both at least 4 years older then me (one's in his 40's or i'm still in middle school). no ones takes a 24 year old young woman, who looks younger then she is, seriously. basically i pissed them off because i was right. i was very firm and forceful, no one at my job has seen me be anything but nice and pleasant. it's shocking apparently. the younger of the two told me he didn't appreciate how i spoke to him and that I was the unprofessional one. i did do it in front of someone from a different department (i didn't realize he was still there).
so my last two days have been rather shitty. whoo.
i have learned a few valuable lessons. i need to keep my temper better at work (this is the first time it has happened in 9 years, so i'd so i was doing pretty good). and sometimes telling friends things does not go over well.
here's hoping that tomorrow is better. thank god for tabula rasa.
tomorrow is a blank slate, my day is yet to be written.
*pseudonym for privacy (it's an old inside joke actually)
11.29.2009
nerves
it's just now hitting me that i am performing in a concert on tuesday, this tuesday. as in it's only 2 days away!!
it's been about two years since i performed in public and to be honest this makes me sad. i miss singing for an audience. this concert i'll be singing "santa baby." i know i'll never live up to eartha kitt's version of the song, she is the original every other person is compared to. i can only hope i am not found lacking.
i found an amazing dress to wear for the performance. it's black and gold with a halter neckline (one of the few styles that is perfect for me). the top is gold layered under black lace with beadwork and a few sequins, it plunges quite a bit so it's a little daring. this dress is alluring and sexy. i'll be able to wear it forever.....well as long as i stay in the shape i'm in! haha.
there's nothing like looking like a million bucks to help your confidence sky rocket. this performance should be a blast! apparently i am one of the only performers singing a fun song. this is rather like the concert where i sang "adelaid's lament" from guys and dolls.
what convinces people to sing songs that are dramatic (as in sad/angry) all the time is beyond me. i do know many of the classic pieces from the famous operas are this way, but really. you need to gain a following people. you need to entertain them first before you pull out the dramatic show pieces. unless you have the acting talent to go along with the singing voice you will bore people to tears.
good times, good times.
did i mention i am just a lil bit nervous?
it's been about two years since i performed in public and to be honest this makes me sad. i miss singing for an audience. this concert i'll be singing "santa baby." i know i'll never live up to eartha kitt's version of the song, she is the original every other person is compared to. i can only hope i am not found lacking.
i found an amazing dress to wear for the performance. it's black and gold with a halter neckline (one of the few styles that is perfect for me). the top is gold layered under black lace with beadwork and a few sequins, it plunges quite a bit so it's a little daring. this dress is alluring and sexy. i'll be able to wear it forever.....well as long as i stay in the shape i'm in! haha.
there's nothing like looking like a million bucks to help your confidence sky rocket. this performance should be a blast! apparently i am one of the only performers singing a fun song. this is rather like the concert where i sang "adelaid's lament" from guys and dolls.
what convinces people to sing songs that are dramatic (as in sad/angry) all the time is beyond me. i do know many of the classic pieces from the famous operas are this way, but really. you need to gain a following people. you need to entertain them first before you pull out the dramatic show pieces. unless you have the acting talent to go along with the singing voice you will bore people to tears.
good times, good times.
did i mention i am just a lil bit nervous?
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