irritation

i love all my friends. i really do, but right now i want to get away to a new city and meet entirely new people.


why, do you ask?


you're all irritating the hell out of me with:


1. several of you w/your inability to be wrong
2. your drama filled lives
3. how you don't have the time to chill anymore


i will now address arguments i know that would be made:
1. i know i do this, i am working on it
2. i can be dramatic, i know but at least after i vent i stop talking about it
3. i have so much free time, it just doesn't seem to coinside with yours


so basically all i can think is "fuck me, its time to leave."


maybe absence makes the heart grow fonder? i suppose i shall just put this to the test.

snow

walking outside at night during snowfall. 
sounds are muffled, 
that peculiar sound of compacting snow,
a cross between a squeek and a moan. 
streetlights reflecting a warm sulfurous glow. 
the glitter of the individual flakes. 
it's beautiful, untouched. 
it makes the grey/brown winter world wonderous to behold. 
the transient nature of snow, 
especially here in the high desert, 
reminds you how quickly things can change.


i've always been a snow baby. born in mn, there is nothing i love better then a heavy snowfall. especially since i live in an area where snow is scarce. i can get to snow if i drive a bit, but it's not often right outside my door. 


snow makes the dull, dreary, brown winter world into a thing of beauty. a field of untouched snow is one of my favorite things. there is such promise there. a literal blank slate. you are reminded of the dormant state of the world hidden under it's blanket of white. how when springtime comes, and the snow melts, green shoots will peak through the melting snow and the world will once again come to life. this season of slumber is my second favorite, only behind autumn with its colors. it's winter with it's lack of color (or all colors depending how you think of white) that holds such promise.


may your world be white!


let it snow! let it snow! let it snow!

mistakes

i seem to be making a lot of mistakes in relationships lately. not romantic relationships, my friendships and work ones. there is nothing worse then realizing you just made a HUGE mistake and there is no way for you to take it back or any real way to make up for it.


take yesterday for example. my good friend Red Robin Hood* had made dinner plans with me the night before and we were deciding where to get foods after i got home from work. a few hours before said plans she direct messages me via twitter to tell me that we can't do dinner at said time because her mom wanted her to do something with her. this is not the first time this has happened...more like the 6th in as many moths. it really gets under my skin because it always happens after she asks me to do something. now i have had to put off plans with my family and other friends because she and i had previously made plans. you do not blow of plans made previously with someone. lamest thing EVER.


how many times can i use previously? lol


so i tell her: you do realize you are doing something you hate that our other mutual "friend" (i'm not friends with this person anymore) does to her.


which does not go over well at all. there are tears and all sorts of depressed tweets. this sort of thing makes me want to stop following my actual friends on twitter. (people i don't know tend to be so much more entertaining)


and work today, gosh. i did something insanely stupid. i dressed down two of our security people be for being unprofessional and hanging around where they shouldn't have. yeah, they're both at least 4 years older then me (one's in his 40's or i'm still in middle school). no ones takes a 24 year old young woman, who looks younger then she is, seriously. basically i pissed them off because i was right. i was very firm and forceful, no one at my job has seen me be anything but nice and pleasant. it's shocking apparently. the younger of the two told me he didn't appreciate how i spoke to him and that I was the unprofessional one. i did do it in front of someone from a different department (i didn't realize he was still there).


so my last two days have been rather shitty. whoo.


i have learned a few valuable lessons. i need to keep my temper better at work (this is the first time it has happened in 9 years, so i'd so i was doing pretty good). and sometimes telling friends things does not go over well.


here's hoping that tomorrow is better. thank god for tabula rasa.


tomorrow is a blank slate, my day is yet to be written.


*pseudonym for privacy (it's an old inside joke actually)